When you don’t know what happened, how do you describe it?
When you don’t know who you are anymore, what you are, and how you got there, how do you perceive? How do you distinguish between what is defined as reality and what is not? Put simply, you cannot. This is not about merely questioning one’s self of identity, but questioning all that is, and its significance in the far grander framework of the universal. This is a question which has no meaning, for there is no meaning, as ultimately we have no meaning, we all, just are. The individual’s yearning for purpose and fulfillment, in a world polluted by hypocrisy and defamed by hatred and anger, is the projected necessity to feel needed, to feel important, in something so inconceivable that people make this their ultimate goal in life. The need for significance is a metaphor for the ego, that ego which dominates our life, from the day we are aware of the ‘self’ till the day our eyes close to our inevitable demise. The ego is who we are, but not. It is ultimately who we think we are. Our ego battles all that is, to justify its position and placing in the universe to appease itself as being significant. Ego is ‘us’, who we have always believed ourselves to be, it is the person telling you that you look good in the morning, and the very same person telling you what you need to accomplish to better yourself. The ego is selfish by the very definition of the term, for it represents our inner most selfish desires for what we want and how we want things to be. So it tells us, day by day, sunrise by sunset, that somewhere for some reason, even if we don’t know why, if we are here, we must be here for a reason, hence we are important, and that we do represent something meaningful in this otherwise static world. We justify this by considering to ourselves why else could we exist, how else could we exist? Too scared to admit to reality that we just are, and nothing more. This understanding is the distinguishing line between one who understands all that matters, is what matters to us, personally, and between a person who clings on to the notion of superiority and self-significance.
I went on a journey I shall never forget, seeing the world in its essential form. I witnessed the birth of creation and felt the waves of sound, while breathing the incandescent lights of utter beauty. My senses morphed into one ultimate state of collective feeling which elevated my senses to a level of incomparability and enabled me to feel the universe’s sensuality and magnificence. I travelled to a world that has imprinted its mark on my subconscious which shall remain there till my existence joins all else that is, in this vast expanse of otherworldliness. This world, this beautiful representation of unreserved truth where reality has no significance illustrated all that is in this world, and not merely what people, humans perceive on an everyday basis. Reality was merely a concept floating shapelessly by time and space, which also had no significance whatsoever. This state of an unnamed frame of mind, of being, can be called whatever you like, but ultimately it means nothing, for it merely happened, just like we are happening, like our ancestors happened, and our grandchildren will happen. I was brought to my knees in awe of the awesome spectacle that is truth in its quintessential form. I felt enlightened because I realized something, that there is nothing, but that does not mean that we don’t matter. We matter to us, we matter to our family, and to our friends. If we cannot find enough significance in life for those few most cherished entities in our lives, then we should continue to search in vain for something purposeful. We should forsake all that truly matters to us, so we suffer the pains of a narcissitic fool expecting grandeur and fame. We all have our own journeys to make, so make your own, choose your path carefully through the heavily clad forests of this sometimes ominous universe. I believe I have chosen mine.
But then I have to ask myself, how can I know all of this when I don’t really know what happened? How can I base life on an assumption of an occurrence, life being as significant as it is. Simply because I can, therefore I already have. So I leave the rest up to you. Did shrooms do this to me, or did I do this to me?
